the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
