toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
