you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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