guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
