This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
