You're so nebulous sometimes
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
