I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So vagazzling was a success
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
