I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
