I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
