just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
