Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
