Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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