if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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