his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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