Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
