Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
