Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
