she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
