it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
