so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Randomize
