allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
