yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
