My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
