sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
