I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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