I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
