How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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