therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize