Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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