i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
