the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
