Pappa wants mamma naked
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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