She said her name was "party"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
