I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize