Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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