hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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