There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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