My room smells like vodka and shame
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
