definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
