i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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