maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
