I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we're so committed to being not committed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
