It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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