I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
