Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
