all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
