I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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