he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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