I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize