We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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