walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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