Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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