I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
