3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
