i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
