In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
