1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
