I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
