ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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