What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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