When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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